I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
