i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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