i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
