Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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