You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
