He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
