took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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