You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
