I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
