drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
