I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This is my gift to your gina
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
