It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
