Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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