so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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