the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
