I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
