She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
