I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He felt like a one man threesome
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
