are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
