i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
