So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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