shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
