What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
