I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
