Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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