i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
