when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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