my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Michael Bay diarrhea
where does the pee come out of this thing
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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