I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he fucked my hip out of place.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
