Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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