The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
