I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
