3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
they need to just BURY HIM!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
