Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
