I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
