So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
