that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
