He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
