i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
