You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
