He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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