Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
