I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
