I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
