I have demons in me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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