You can't special order awesome
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
