pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
