grandma shit on top of the toilet
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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