Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
