he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
