I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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