So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
