hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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