2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
