She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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