lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
BRING THE BAGELS
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
