I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
