In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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